Friday, June 10, 2011


The clicking of his walking stick woke me up from my sleep. I was hoping it's not what I think it was but dad was indeed trying to get downstairs on his own to my horror at 4.30am. His legs had been extremely weak lately. He fell three days in a row two weeks ago when we came back for a visit. Not off the stairs thankfully but terrifying enough and the possibility is no doubt very high if no one watches him.

As I sit here observing him trying to nod off, I find it so disheartening to watch a loved one in this state. I wonder if the dialysis procedure in the last five years had hasten up the deterioration of his body but we see so many others still very much their normal self in the hospital during regular check-ups.

I put it down to his mental state. Right from the start, he had given himself a death sentence. He knows that a person on dialysis will not live as long as he wishes to. So instead of making the best of whatever time he has left here on Earth, he just gave up altogether. Along with the depression, there's mom's constant nagging as the primary caregiver which probably further discouraged him from wanting to do any better than he already is. I don't want to blame Mom because everyone knows how much she's been through. She had been sticking to him through thick and thin and I can only give her credit for what she is doing.

I dread THE day but worse still, no one knows who will actually go first. We human are so dependent on one another without us even realizing sometimes. Without one or the other, life will be tough but it goes on. It always does. So it's only best to pick up the pieces soonest possible and move on.

I am thankful that I have come to know Jesus in my life. That makes living a little easier sometimes knowing that Someone out there is watching out for me. Life is still tough but there's also plenty to look forward to and be thankful about...

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